Weighty Options

I'm on this stupid diet. The details are unnecessary, the last thing I want this to turn into is a health and fitness blog because I am not qualified to dispense that kind of advice. What I want to do is bitch about how being careful about what I eat sucks but it is working and I'm both grumpy and proud of myself.

I've always had a strange relationship with my weight and size. When I was a child, I wanted to be a jockey and a gymnast. My stature made both of those dreams impossible, although I did ride horses and do gymnastics for a time.

As I've gotten older, and become more aware of the standard of beauty, two truths have emerged. First: I'm not ever going to look like a model. Second: if you have big boobs, blonde hair, and blue eyes you don't really have to have a modelesque physique to have get a significant amount of male attention. Getting that attention made it easy to ignore my increasing dress size.

I know that it's not politically correct to admit a desire to change your physical appearance to be more universally desireable. And there are plenty of other reasons that I can provide for changing my diet. It's healthier; diabetes, high blood pressure and heart disease run in my family. Its better for my joints; my childhood athletic endevors ended after I broke my ankle for the second time and had surgery--I'm kind of a gimp. I can't do any high impact exercise which means I am limited to swimming, walking my dog, or using the elliptical machine at the gym as far as cardio goes. Reducing my weight by 20-25% would ease my daily discomfort in my ankle.

Those reasons are as true as any other, but the thing that helps me choose an apple over a bag of chips is improving my physical appearance.

I'm still totally a feminist guys. Don't freak out.

I think, too, that my current life situation is really frustrating. I have little to no control over most aspects of my life right now. I'm waiting for the economy to change, waiting for the pennies I keep trying to shove in my savings account to amount to something of value, waiting for my life to improve. This is something I can actively do to improve myself. I don't have to wait on anybody else, I can make good choices each day and see the results in how my clothes fit or an actual number changing. Its satisfying and gives me a feeling of momentum. Seeing as I generally feel like I'm treading water, forward movement of any kind is awesome.

So, I'm going to keep it up. Maybe by the time I accomplish this goal I will have developed stronger will power which can only help me attain other goals in my future. Just as soon as I figure out what they are.